Temper tantrums are a normal part of a toddler’s growth and usually begin when they are around 18 months old. These emotional episodes often arise due to their struggle to articulate feelings and frustrations. These temper tantrums ease up typically by the age of 4, as kids begin to develop their communication abilities. Although difficult to handle for many parents, they must look at the experience as teaching moments.
Whether it’s an unanticipated outburst in a store or a common frustration at home, grasping the reasons behind these reactions and discovering effective ways to cope can lead to a positive change.
Reasons behind Toddler Tantrums
Why do children throw tantrums?
Tantrums are a common aspect of child development, serving as a way for children to express their frustration or anger when things don’t go their way. This frustration often arises when a child is trying to understand something or lacks the vocabulary to articulate their emotions. Various factors, such as fatigue, hunger, illness, or changes in routine, can heighten a child’s sensitivity to frustration, making tantrums more likely.
These outbursts can vary in intensity, from simple whining and crying to more extreme actions like screaming, kicking, hitting, or even holding their breath. Both boys and girls experience tantrums at similar rates, and they are most common between the ages of 1 and 3. While some children may have frequent tantrums, others may experience them infrequently.
Tantrums often occur when a child is tired, hungry, uncomfortable, or unable to obtain something they desire, such as a toy or a treat. They can also happen when a child feels they aren’t getting the attention they want from a parent or when a sibling refuses to share a toy.
Toddlers naturally strive for independence and control over their surroundings, which can lead to power struggles. When they find themselves unable to achieve something on their own or unable to have everything they desire, a tantrum may follow. Learning to manage frustration is a skill that children gradually acquire over time.
Once children become more capable of expressing their needs and feelings, tantrum episodes slow down.
Do children throw tantrums on purpose?
Kids do not try to upset or embarrass their parents on purpose. Throwing a tantrum is simply a way to show their frustration. Kids can start throwing tantrums as they get older because they learn that behaviour from their surroundings. If you give in to their outbursts by offering them what they want or letting them avoid responsibilities, these episodes will likely occur in the future.
Management of Temper Tantrum
Preventing baby tantrums
Managing tantrums can be tricky at times, but there are several effective techniques you can implement to promote positive behaviour.
- Positive Reinforcement: Make it a point to acknowledge and praise good behaviour. Specific compliments, such as “I really appreciate how you asked nicely for your milk,” can encourage the behaviours you want to see more frequently.
- Provide Options: Allow your toddler to make small choices, like picking between apple juice or orange juice. This gives them a sense of autonomy without overwhelming them.
- Keep Temptations Out of Reach: Minimise conflicts by storing tempting but restricted items out of sight, especially when you’re away from home.
- Divert and Redirect: If you foresee a tantrum, distract your child with a different activity or change their surroundings. For example, if they’re bouncing on the couch, invite them to help you “cook” with safe kitchen tools.
- Teach New Abilities: Support your child in learning new skills, starting with simple tasks and gradually increasing the complexity. Celebrate their efforts to boost their confidence.
- Choose Your Battles: Think carefully about their request being truly unreasonable before declining. It’s perfectly fine to reconsider your decision if it makes sense—use it as a chance to reward positive behaviour.
- Be Aware of Limits: Try to avoid scheduling errands during times when your child is likely to be tired or hungry. Planning can help keep them comfortable and happy.
- Create Routines: Consistency helps children understand what to expect. Stick to regular nap and bedtime schedules to prevent overtiredness, which can trigger tantrums.
Responding to child tantrums
Actions you need to take during a Tantrum
When dealing with a tantrum, it’s important to remain calm. Reacting with loud voices or yelling can escalate the situation. Instead, try to redirect your child’s attention with a different book, a new environment, or a silly face. Make sure to follow through on your requests by offering assistance and showing them the ideal actions.
- Stay Composed
If your child is hitting, kicking, or in a dangerous situation, gently hold them until they settle down. Once they are calm, clearly explain the rules.
- Offer Comfort or Distraction
Address tantrums according to their triggers. If your child is tired or hungry, provide comfort with a nap or a snack. Sometimes, it may be more effective to ignore the tantrum or engage your child in a new activity.
- Ignore Attention-Seeking Tantrums
For tantrums aimed at gaining attention, minimise this behaviour by ignoring it. Stay composed and avoid lengthy explanations when denying a request. Shift focus to another activity instead. After a cooling-off period, ensure they finish the task by gently reminding them.
- Prioritise Safety
For safety concerns, implement a time-out for repeated misbehaviour. Stay close to supervise without engaging until they calm down. Consistency is key.
- Managing Older Children
Preschoolers and older kids may resort to tantrums if they realise it gets them what they want. For school-age children, send them to their rooms to cool off, giving minimal attention to the behaviour. Let them know you’ll inform them when the time-out is over, allowing them to influence the outcome through their actions.
- Avoid Reinforcing Tantrums
Never give in to a tantrum, as this reinforces the behaviour. Consider setting up a “chill-out” area with calming activities for children to use when they feel upset.
Actions for post-tantrum situations
Encourage your child to regain their composure by saying, “I appreciate how you settled down.”
After a tantrum, children can feel particularly sensitive, especially when they realise they haven’t been on their best behaviour. This is the perfect moment for a comforting hug and to remind them they are loved unconditionally. If your child is mature enough to talk about it, guide them in brainstorming alternative ways to express their feelings of frustration.
Ensure your child is getting adequate sleep. Lack of sleep can lead to hyperactivity, irritability, and unpredictable behaviour. Sufficient rest can significantly help in minimising tantrums. Check the recommended sleep duration for your child’s age, keeping in mind that while there are general guidelines, every child has their own needs.
Time to seek a professional/doctor’s help
While tantrums are a typical aspect of child development, there are specific circumstances where it’s important to seek professional assistance. You should reach out to your doctor if —
- You often feel overwhelmed or angry when dealing with tantrums.
- You find yourself giving in frequently to prevent your child from acting out.
- Tantrums are putting a significant strain on your relationship with your child or partner.
- The frequency, intensity, or duration of the tantrums is increasing.
- Your child tends to harm themselves or others during these episodes.
- Your child is often argumentative, rarely cooperates, and seems consistently difficult.
- Your doctor can check for underlying health issues like hearing or vision impairments, chronic illnesses, language delays, or learning disabilities that might influence tantrums.
- If your child is self-harming, holding their breath, or continues the tantrums after age 4, discuss these issues with your child’s doctor to explore possible physical or psychological factors.
Questions that usually the doctor asks
- When do the outbursts typically happen?
- What tends to be going on just before the outburst?
- What actions does your child take during the outburst?
- How long does the outburst usually last?
- How do you respond to the outburst?
- What is your child’s behaviour in between outbursts?
- Have there been any changes in your home or school setting?
- Have you moved recently?
- Has there been a significant family change, like a divorce or the arrival of a new sibling?
- Did something distressing occur to your child or another family member?
- Does your child face any other challenges that might impact them, such as a sleep issue or behavioural concern?
Dealing with temper tantrums in toddlers can be challenging but critical to their holistic growth. By grasping the reasons behind these outbursts and using effective strategies for prevention and management, you can make these difficult moments more manageable. Staying calm, giving positive attention, offering choices, and recognising your child’s boundaries can help lessen the occurrence and severity of tantrums.
It is important to remember that consistency and patience are vital. Do not hesitate to seek professional guidance to address any underlying concerns. With the right mindset, you can transform tantrum situations into meaningful learning experiences, strengthening your bond with your child. Enjoy your parenting journey!
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